Loman learns of Allie's sudden disappearance from Edgefield just as his light-fingered past catches up with him. Meanwhile, in Afbaghistan, Paco Lipsync's hit single is driving the insurgency ballistic. Is this any time for Switzer and Flabbergast to reapply for Hot Zone Club membership?

LAST MONTH in ARMY@LOVE:

It's official. FLABBERGAST has fallen hard for SWITZER. But when his unit is charged with rooting out insurgents who have commandeered a DaDoingDoings fast food joint, FLABBERGAST's comrades-at arms learn just how hopeless this sudden crush has made him.

Back in Edgefield, Switzer's reunion with husband LOMAN turns confrontational when he demands they both lay their cards on the table. SWITZER comes clean about her affair with Flabbergast and the bacchanalian retreats the military has been staging for the troops. Though Loman loves Switzer dearly, he's strangely cool with the new arrangement, and even admits his own affair with Colonel HEALEY'S wife ALLIE. For this wacky post-post-modern couple, confession seems good for the soul.

HEALEY, meanwhile, is having his own secret long-running affair with his secretary WOYNER. Outmaneuvered by Stelaphane, who has brought ALLIE to Afbaghistan in a straight jacket, HEALEY suddenly finds himself under suspicion of leaking video of the military orgies to the public. Stelaphane's bizarre truth test proves HEALEY innocent, but he's forced to reveal his ongoing relationship to Afbaghi widow JENAN. But what STELAPHANE's really interested in is reeling in HEALEY's former employer, Polka Cola, as an official sponsor of his Cabinet position.

Meanwhile, JENAN'S mother MAI MAU has cut a deal to fence the cell phone that Healey gave them. North Koreenians, competing in the global marketplace, hope to learn a lot about the US military by data mining their quantum encrypted phone network.

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